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Leaving Your Home Safely During Domestic Violence

Author: Susheela Varky

If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 911. The Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Hotline is also available any time, day or night: call 800-838-8238 or you can chat or text with someone.

Leaving an abusive home is complicated. You might be worried about your lease, your belongings, your children, or your safety. Virginia law gives you options, and the court can help protect you no matter which path you choose.

You do not have to figure this out alone. Contact the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Hotline to be connected to an advocate who can help you decide what you want to do. If you decide to ask for a protective order, you do not need a lawyer to ask for a protective order. There is no cost to file.

Option 1: Ask the court to make the abuser leave

You do not have to be the one who moves out. 

When you request a protective order, at the protective order hearing, you can ask the judge to order the abuser to leave the home. Even if their name is on the deed or lease, the court can order them to move out temporarily, giving you time to make other arrangements.

The court can also order the abuser not to terminate services such as telephone or utilities, and can even order the abuser to pay for these temporarily.

If you have children, having the abuser leave is often the safest option for the whole family.

Option 2: Leave the home yourself

If you feel safer leaving, that is a valid choice. The court can help make it safer.

If you need to go back for your belongings, you can ask the court to order that you have access to the home at a set time without the abuser there. You may bring someone with you. You can also ask whether a sheriff's deputy can go with you. Ask about this while you are in court.

If you moved out because of the abuse, you can ask the court to order the abuser to provide you with alternative housing.

What if my name is on the lease?

You may be able to end your lease early if you have either:

  1. A protective order; or
  2. A court order showing that the person who committed sexual assault, family abuse, stalking, or human trafficking against you was convicted of that crime.

To end your lease:

  1. Send a letter to your landlord while your protective order is still in effect or with information about the criminal conviction.
  2. Include a copy of your protective order or the conviction order with the notice.

Your lease can end 30 days after the landlord receives your notice. You will owe regular rent for those 30 days.

Can my landlord evict me for calling the police? 

No. You have the right to call the police if you are in danger or are a victim of a crime.

However, a landlord may give you a notice to leave if they believe you have violated the terms of your lease. Reasons a landlord may require a tenant to leave include being convicted of a crime, abusing another tenant, damaging the home, or disturbing other residents.

To make sure that only the abuser, and not you, is included in any notice to leave, you must give the landlord a copy of the protective order and any conviction orders within 21 days.

If the landlord issues a notice barring the abuser from the home and the abuser returns, you must notify the landlord within 24 hours. If you did not know the abuser had returned, or it was not possible to notify the landlord within 24 hours, you must notify them within 7 days. If you do not, you could be evicted as well.

What about cars?

If you share a car with the abuser, and it is titled either only in your name or jointly titled in both of your names, the court may award the use of it to you. If you are married to the abuser, the court may consider awarding the car to you, especially if you can show that the car is necessary for work or transport of your children in common.

What about pets?

You may ask the judge to grant you possession of any pets in the home that you own or have cared for. Even if the abuser bought the pet, if you were the one who mainly cared for it, you may be able to keep the pet for at least the duration of the protective order.

What financial help is available?

While you are in court for a protective order, ask about financial support. The court can order the abuser to pay temporary child support or help with other expenses while the protective order is in effect. Bring whatever evidence you have about your income and your abuser’s income, such as pay stubs or tax returns, if you plan to ask for temporary support.

For longer-term help, you may qualify for child support, spousal support if you are married, a custody order, or public assistance for financial support, food, or housing. You can file for all of these with the Court Services Unit of the Juvenile and Domestic Relations District Court.

If you receive public assistance, the state may ask you for information about the abuser to help collect child support. If you are worried this could put you in danger, tell the worker right away.

What if seeking child support feels dangerous?

If you are afraid that seeking child support would put you or your children at risk, let the worker know. The Department of Social Services or DCSE will not contact the other parent if you show evidence that doing so would be dangerous.

Evidence can include copies of protective orders, hospital or medical records, or records of convictions for assault against you or your children.

For help, contact the Virginia Sexual and Domestic Violence Hotline: call 800-838-8238 or chat or text with someone.

Can I keep my new address secret?

If you leave the abuser and move somewhere you don’t want the abuser to know about, you can apply for the Virginia Address Confidentiality Program. You will need to apply through a Victim-Witness Advocate, a local domestic or sexual violence program, or a legal aid program. 

Once you are approved, the Address Confidentiality program allows you to use a special mailing address that is not where you live, to use on all court and other legal documents; so the abuser cannot trace you.

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